Einstein Quote of the Day

'The important thing is not to stop questioning. Curiosity has its own reason for existing. '

Julee Cruise - Falling

beautiful song - Awesome show.
I miss Twin Peaks!

Bolero

14 Ghosts II

Very very cool tune from NIN GHOSTS I-IV! Not how envision this song - I'm working on my own version - requiring way too many people - but I swear I will pull it off!

Hypocrisy and Assumptions (Response to GHOSTS 24 video and comments made)

Commenting on GHOSTS 24 video posted on youtube by ominousmaximus.
He made note of the fact that he was a Christian and didn't necessarily agree with NIN views
but liked the music.
His comments and others struck me, which lead me to comment a few times.
Reposting here - so I can easily reference it.
****
"The video is good - a little long though.
But the feeling is there.

On the topic of your faith, don't assume that all NIN fans are athiest, faithless dopes. NOT the case at all. In fact I don't even believe TR is a faithless person. If you listen closely to his lyrics, I would say he's someone digging deep into himself, exposing the hypocrites that hide behind their religion (every organized religion.) Many people seem to live their lives blind, without a thought of what is right, and common sense is lacking.

Faith cannot be taught, it is found in the deepest places of your heart, mind, body and soul, and is a personal journey. NIN lyrics can be controversial, but VERY thought provoking and that is what the real intention is. Music is a personal experience as well. The instrumental aspect is left to our own interpretation. Every musical sound can heal, excite, soothe, etc. And that is absolutely magical and no one can tell you it's wrong. "
***
Response to one of the comments made to ominousmaximus stating he was a hypocrite because he likes NIN music and yet he is a Christian:

"oh the hypocricy of it all. The magical thing about music is that it is left to our own personal interpretation. For instance - the song Heresy, my interpretation is not exactly the literal surface meaning of the words. The overall meaning to me is exposure of those that hide behind their religion (any organized religion) and live their lives blindly, lacking common sense.You take one song and call this guy a hypocrite. That's ignorance. "

Friday reflection (More Einstein)

The most important human endeavor is the striving for morality in our actions. Our inner balance and even our very existence depend on it. Only morality in our actions can give beauty and dignity to life.
-Einstein-

NIN Film Festival Freak Out!

I'm about ready to flip my lid.

As each day passes, I drive into work in my 'think' tank, the car. I listen and I listen, and I deconstruct, and imagine, and I skirt around near misses because I'm not paying attention to the road. Every day, as I listen, a new song jumps out at me and becomes my favorite, as with all Nine Inch Nails albums (masterpieces). However, because this one is particularly special because TR has opened this up to his fans to collaborate with the visuals, I have been racking my brain and trying to remember all of these freaking fleeting thoughts and images that come across my mind as I listen, and well, my head HURTS! I don't want to miss this opportunity!

Every freakin idea I come up with is either way too personal or way to elaborate.

Damn!

If only I had a some special recording device hard wired into my brain, which would transmit these ideas onto a video - and voila! There it is.

DAMN IT!

Oh the pleasure and pain of it all.

The Bachelor?

What a freakin joke. I watched for about 15 minutes and I nearly threw up about 5 different times.

Are these people for real? No really - this can't be real.

Are people this desparate to get fucking 15 minutes of fame?

UGGHH!

I pity them all - but first if, I could, I would spit on them.

Just pathetic.

Friday's Reflection

Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.

courtesy of Einstein

Ghosts IV track 31

Vehement

My Violent Heart - NIN

Tuesday Reflections

“I want to know God's thoughts; the rest are details.”
Einstein

Sunday reflections

“To be satisfied with a little, is the greatest wisdom; and he that increaseth his riches, increaseth his cares; but a contented mind is a hidden treasure, and trouble findeth it not.”– Akhenaton

Hawaii Trip Diary

I’m here in LA – very late and I'm anxiously awaiting my departure to Hawaii tomorrow in the AM.

Hmm – so I’m in a hotel that looks as if it is from the movie "Vacancy". I'm wondering now..was it really worth the $15 saved? Look for me in the morning, if I make it to my first cup of coffee – I know it’s all good.

The real kicker is the sliding glass door that will not lock, did I mention I’m on the ground floor?
Pretty much anyone can jump the damn brick wall and bombard me in the middle of the night.

Why am I staying here? Again, to save a buck.
I do not know...
What the fuck am I doing here?
I pray to GOD I am safe this evening.
I will try and close one eye.

But first I must eat my pastrami crap sandwich from the US Airways flight – I had a premonition that I would be waiting at the airport too long for my freakin luggage so I bought the way too expense crap sandwich on the plane. (It's actually not too bad)

The flight was at least pretty descent…a woman gave me a nice compliment – stating I was stunning, and looked like a British actress by the name of Emma something or other, neither one of us knew the last name and I can’t say I know the actress – but it was a nice to hear considering I was a rumpled mess, eyes bloodshot from the 5 hr flight – I don’t think the woman realizes how much I appreciated her words.

So back to the ‘Vacancy’ room - the ONLY thing I’m loving and feeling comfort in right now is the beauty coming from my CD player, Nine Inch Nails All That Could’ve Been, Still. Have NIN, will travel…
It is my only saving grace – that and a flight to Hawaii tomorrow!
GOD please help me make it through this evening!
Just get me to Hawaii. Please GOD!

You know what, even if the freaky murderers that own this hotel come to me – at least I’ll die happy and in peace with music that takes me to a different place.

Ok stop now, my head is not right and I’m starting to freak myself out, must try and close that one eye. But first, let me move that desk in front of the sliding glass door – at least I will have a bit of warning with the fools stubbing their toes on the legs!! Yeah! What a great plan.

I can’t close that one eye - now I miss my little people and not so little people – David, Kiki and Michael. God I love being an aunt!

Here I am with no access to the internet, can’t even check the Nin blog!
I am here in the same city as the maestro, the power and beauty of his music takes me to places I've always knew were there but just couldn't seem to find.
Such wonderful daydreams coming to mind – oh how I would absolutely love to meet this person – or even come within a breath – not even say a word – just one look into those eyes.
I would dare to see his soul. I’ve heard it in his music, and it touches my heart and floods my mind. It heals me, it calms me.

As I said have NIN, will travel;
And close eyes – must close eyes – go to sleep little girl…

Feb 13 – Honolulu –
Made it
Today is my poopoo-head, David’s Birthday!! (corny aunt moment)
Love him to pieces!
But now I am here –
Beautiful warm weather – beach clean and pretty
But what the fuck – not expecting soooooo much noise. Where’s the paradise?
Ok – go to the water – it’s all about the water and waves – and I am free.

So far today – ventured a bit
A lot of people, too many people.
Still not my 'dream' vacation

I need an isolated island with very few people with really the only noise to hear is the breaking of the waves!

But I am not complaining can’t beat this considering I could be back home with shit snow!
Snow is beautiful too - but I'll take a picture of it any day vs. experiencing it.

With all of the beauty – I can’t help but notice all of the homeless.
In fact I had a chat with a gentleman named Robert.
He bummed 3 cigarettes off of me and was hinting towards handouts of money, food etc.
Now I feel really guilty that I didn’t give him some money –
But the other half of me feels like if he needs money, earn it - damn it!
I don’t care if you have to collect cans for the time being...

Please don’t beg

But anyway, I chatted and was a bit uncomfortable at first – and felt guilty about that!
He told me I was beautiful, my mother is beautiful, everyone’s beautiful. Yeah.
He felt the need to tell me about his Japanese girlfriend who he was going to see soon. Sure..
but I let him talk, and talk, and talk, ....
Finally, I said farewell and went on my way. Didn’t have much time to ponder.
I had to go and meet up with Mark
Ate some Mexican fare, of all things, but it was quite tasty
Then meandered to the international market
Lots of junk –
Mark can’t disconnect from home – although he was chatting with his new love interest, so I can't fault him for that, but also his buddy from Cali – GEEZ! Disconnect dude you’re in Hawaii.

Around 5pm we agreed we needed some sleep, as we both felt like 2 sacks of shit, who had no sleep for various different reasons over the last week. But because we are so hard core – we plan on meeting up at 8pm for some paaaarrrrtttttyyyyying.

8pm + 3 hours...
Ummm – it’s now 11pm – oh sure we are so hard core – fuck it – my eyes will not stay open for 1 more second, must have mmooooorrrrreeee sleep please.

Feb 14 – I am an anti Valentines Day person
In my opinion this has got to be the most ridiculous day of the year.
I love – and love passionately – but I do it every day!

Anyway – Pearl Harbor is on tap – Really excited about this.
It brings chills up my spine – so I’m off.

Feb 15
Drunk
But just so that I don’t’ forget.
Went to North Shore today –
AWESOME
Surfers – Gigantic waves
AWESOME
Beautiful beaches!
I could stay here for the rest of my life, and live my life the way I was supposed – BEACH BUM – strumming my guitar every night, wake up the next day to capture the perfect wave – and do it all over again – oh yes – my reality couldn’t be further from this…but I will keep this fantasy stored away for those cold, mean days.

But I digress – North Shore:
AWESOME visited Sunset Beach
Beautiful
Waimea, I think
(Ask Mark)
Hung out and soaked up the sun while watching the surfers waiting for their perfect wave.
I longed terribly to be out their with them. Such freedom and exhiliration.

Tonight went to senior frogs – OH GOD what on earth was I thinking??? Had a ton of fun though – But really not my cup of tea
Blah blah
Same old, same old, why are there so many slutty females in the world?
But what the hell do I care - A cute young thing came to me.
Forgot his name already.
But he was cute –he asked if Mark was my husband or boyfriend – ha what a laugh in half that is. Ah..that would be NO.
I've got to say - it was nice being hit on - but I had to set him straight after a bit of small talk..
I enlightened him to the fact that I was not there to hook up.
I let him off of the hook

He was cute though.

Feb 16 and 17 -
More sun and fun - went to Diamond Head -
Found a fab little Hawaiin band -
bought way too many souvenirs.

Found another 'bum' to talk to - I am the ultimate magnet for bums and street people
and I say this in the nicest way - because I will talk to you everytime, but do not ask me for money.
This particular gentleman was an artist - we'll call him 'BB' because I can't remember his name, and that is how signs his work. He didn't ask me for money, he asked for a cigarette -and for payment he gave ME one of his pieces made from drift wood.
I was touched - and very appreciative - ! You know what they say, never judge the book by it's cover....

On the last day - what the hell - Robert found me on the pier - only he didn't remember me.
For some reason he just honed in me on his mountain bike - out of all the people - he found me.
So we sat on the pier and chatted a bit. Somehow we got onto the topic of music.!! I love it!
He told me about all of his influences, greatful dead being the primary - but he also went on about the record industry, and how they've been ripping musicians off for years. It was a bit surreal to be having a chat with Robert the street guy about the state of the music industry.
But I enjoyed every minute of it!

Time to go home! Yippee!

I Can Identify

I absolutely adore this quote of the day courtesy

of the Einstein Quote of the Day

'I have no special talents, I am only passionately curious'

NIN - Not So Pretty Now (Live Kroq Breakfast)

Awesome unreleased tune from the With Teeth era!

Confessions of an Addict :-)

nin blog post 'soon'

I have to remember this - I have no idea where it comes from inside of me - but when it hits I must put it down. These are all clues to help me solve the mystery of me.

Confessions of an Addict…
Hi my name is RH and I am a ninoholic.

So I’ve been pondering this magnificent obsession, addiction, dedication whatever you would like to call it. Simply because of my age, at 36 – why the hell am I obsessed with NIN, or let’s face it, the man behind it all, Trent Reznor and his beautiful music.
Up until 2005, I thought I was over my thirst and need to be dedicated to music.
I felt it was for teenagers and people who had grand delusions of being a rock star themselves, people who prayed they could meet their idol and believe that they would be so different from the masses and they would be noticed and make that connection with their idol and somehow magically they would be invited in.
That twas then –
My last dedicated run was with Nirvana – then Kurt Cobain ‘killed’ himself.
And it all seemed worthless, and juvenile. With the emotions I felt, sadness and despair over someone I didn’t even know, ludicrous – I really struggled with this, and finally walked away. But as they say, if only knew then what I know now.
I told myself I would never ever allow myself to be that dedicated again.

Then in 1995 – I went to the NIN / Bowie show in Hartford CT. My eyes were opened, and I was in awe of this scraggly looking guy, what would appear to be someone abusing and simulating sexual acts on his keyboard – holy hell was it fascinating. This was the man behind the music! I could hardly believe what I was hearing, PMH live and more! My disc of PMH had been worn out from listening too much – even back then! I was utterly enthralled – I thank god that I was 2nd row from the stage because I don’t think I would’ve really seen the beauty from nose bleed seats.

But the addiction didn’t quite take hold yet.
Again – I was still under the mindset of being a young adult –and it was just way to juvenile to dedicate myself.

So some years went by – not really paying attention to much to the music industry – simply put – there was so much junk out there – and forget about the radio. UGH.
I mean Pearl Jam was the closest I came to dedication, and that wasn’t even full on.
Then they went sour – and the progression of their sound did not agree with me after awhile. During that period, I did by a few halo’s because even then, NIN intrigued me.
Downward Spiral, The Fragile, Further Down the Spiral, Sin single, and Fixed.
I have to admit, The Fragile didn’t agree with me at the time, I was still on the Downward Spiral kick – and The Fragile was way too much of a departure from that – and well, to me at the time, to depressing. I was already on the verge of depression I didn’t need music to help get there. So I turned my back again, and agreed that music dedication was juvenile and I had to grow up.

Fast forward to 2005 – my sister, who I had gone to the first NIN concert in 95 with– convinced me to go to a NIN concert in Greenville, SC. At first I was like, dude (my sister) grow up you’re fucking 39, nothing is worth the ticket price, yeah I love his older music, BUT…
He’s gotten older, so have I. My thought I was that we would be the oldest hags in the crowd, and really did I belong there? Was it worth it? How on earth can the type of music he puts out sound good anymore live?

Well – I was soon to find out. And let me tell you I was blown away.
Literally blown away – it was nothing short of brilliance, and it all came back to me in a rush. Along with having this all come full circle again, being more mature and wiser, I made an observation, while I was letting the music penetrate me once again, and I rode that wave, I let it take me. I noticed that the crowd in Greenville was so diverse, young, old, black, white, every walk of life was there, and it was awesome and inspiring. I didn’t feel like an outsider at all. I did not feel like an immature, aging hag. I realized that music has no age limit. Music seriously is the universal language, and only enhances your life. I put myself in the musicians place, and thought – do you really think they care how old you are? They are all about their love affair with music and pleasing their fan base, putting out a good show, but ultimately it’s about their craft and their love of music. So if I were viewed as being immature and overaged idiot, so were they and who cares anyway. I finally realized and came to terms with that fact that music is so powerful, and so redemptive, and so healing, it is timeless. And when you find greatness in an artist, you must show your appreciation.

From 2005 through 2007, I’ve only seen 4 live NIN shows, I even traveled to London for a 2 night randevous, simply because there was no hope of NA tour in 2007, except Hawaii, and you know, I would’ve traveled, but couldn’t get the time off, but I desparately needed a NIN fix to provide the natural high! London was the ultimate! Again the diversity of the crowd struck me. I had gone to 2 back to back shows, and each night the crowd was so different. The first night – they were a bit mellow, 2nd night the crowd was much more energetic – but both shows were equally awesome.
The setting was great – small venue – so much more intimate, who could ask for anything more.

So now I am here, wondering how I got to be so massively addicted, (a good addiction). The obvious, of course, is his music and sound appeal to me greatly. Every masterpiece has a different tone, and there are songs to match my every mood. I can now appreciate all of his works – and The Fragile has now become one of my favorites. But there are other factors, I believe one of the contributing factors of why we are in the presence of greatness with Trent Reznor is because his music appeals to so many people from so many different walks of life.
Different age groups, ethnicities, nerds and geeks alike, you name it he’s got it in his fan base. This alone fascinates me. I wonder if he knows how truly great this is. He has no typical fan base, although non-fans looking in would say NIN fans are all ‘skin heads’ or satanic. This is pretty ignorant – and a valuable lesson here, never judge the book by the cover, never. Never make assumptions. I use myself as an example, because I am neither of those cliché’s – in fact dare I even say that I am a 36 year old female, registered republican, grew up in a catholic family.
This is what I mean, never judge the book by the cover. These are labels. God gave us brains to think with, I exercise that right every day. LABELS-plain and simple. If something doesn’t make sense to me I do not follow, I question and seek answers that I can reconcile, if it doesn’t make sense, I do not fall into the lemming trap. And over the last several years, I’ve pondered many hot topics, personal and worldly, and have found so many things that leave me scratching my head, realizing that you can’t take things on face value, what’s on the surface is not what it appears to be in most cases, you must dig deeper and educate yourself.
And many times, I find myself against the grain and I am ok with that.
So now I consider myself to be an ageless person, who is quite spiritual, absolutely tuned into my family, and worldly events, and has shed all labels. Politically - I’ve been seeking truth – and both sides of the coin are equally corrupt – although I will exercise my right to vote based on the best factual information I can find, and as you all know, it is hard to find.

But I digress, this isn’t about political shit. This is about being amongst greatness, whether you know it or not Trent Reznor, you have carved you name in history, I would say you are one of the most innovative, creative artists out there, who goes about his business with integrity and is uncompromising. So no matter what age you are (all of us) take that at the very least as a lesson, and hold true to yourself. People like this are a dime a dozen, if we could all take heed and go about our business in the same manner – this world would be a greater place.

So now, I have significantly justified to myself why it is I remain utterly fascinated by this man and his music. I am content.

Thank you Trent Reznor for the beautiful musician you are, and the person you ‘seem’ to be.

More thoughts to remember...

nin blog - 'soon'

But wait…
Let’s take a step back for a moment.
This year has been about Year Zero – the ARG, etc etc
And it’s been one of the coolest things to be done with the artist/fan relationship.
Maybe now he’s taking it a step further, only we are the experiment. He’s posted several morsels on this site for us to chew on, and twist and turn it all around and theorize to death!

2 things:

Maybe this is a social experiment, showing how assumptive we all can be. You see it in the media every day! Well, really everywhere in our day to day lives. And through these assumptions, we begin to believe them as truths, and you get so distracted, that you can’t see what’s obvious and true because it suddenly becomes to ‘unbelievable’.

Or

Possibly maybe, we are the new ‘secret project’. Ooh! He’s dropping these morsels, with some ideas in his head, but he’s leaving the meat of it to us. If you’ve read some of the past blogs, there has been some crazy ass things posted. Maybe he’s taking a little bit of all of us and applying it to the ‘secret’ project, and in the end it will be big, and we will be rewarded because we are suddenly immortalized in his creation!

But there you go – I’ve gotten so far away from what is obvious – He’s busy working, but staying in touch with us to tide us over until whatever he’s creating is completed.